rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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