I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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