I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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