i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
