It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
