im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
