we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize