and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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