discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
