This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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