You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
