for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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