I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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