At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
