is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
