yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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