I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
