i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
