she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
