It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
