i need an iv and a liver transplant
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize