my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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