He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
