im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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