I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
