I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she told me i tasted like america
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
