You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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