Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
