He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
