Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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