Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
