i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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