True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
