If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
