Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
