the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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