Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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