You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize