I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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