He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
