my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
