ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
