So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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