Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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