youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
