The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Enjoy the penises
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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