Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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