So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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