I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
