your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Are we in a gay sports bar?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
