she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
