and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize