So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
