Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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