shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
