umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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