just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
