i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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