Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
