he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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