well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
