Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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