fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
