she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
