apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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