...so i touched it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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