I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The adults are the big ones right?
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