thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
