I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
People in love make me want to vomit
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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