Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
