Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
