In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize