Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
