Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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