I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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