You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
