Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
