dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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