I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
